“Give us SOAP. Give us THESPIAN HAMMERY. [Magneto and Xavier] are pretty much gods who are also ex-boyfriends that control metal and brains — Magneto builds a special helmet just to keep Xavier from knowing what his feelings are; HE BUILDS A BRAIN CAGE SO HIS EX-BOYFRIEND WON’T KNOW HOW SAD HE IS. That is the demigod-level mutant equivalent of setting your gchat status to invisible so your ex-boyfriend can’t tell that you’re online. That is so campy Susan Sontag just sat up in her grave and texted John Waters ‘omg did u hear about Magneto?!!!’”